Open letter to my exes

This is an open letter to my exes / 

Hope you accept apologies given in excess / 

Once prophesied Endless Love, like Luther Vandross /

It was never to much, didn't wanna stop, thought we were timeless 

Like a roley... this lover coaster seemed priceless / 

Dipped down too many times, climbing up was relentless /

Took too long to shine light on this process - 

Took even longer to accept it was madness / 

Doing same things twice and again with no progress / 

Ignoring facts accepting fiction, the friction kept us moving / 

Admit I felt fearless 

When wading through the darkness /

But in the dark there's never more that's real than dullness / 

All you feel is the mindless 

Need to feed your ego so mindless-ly / 

Turning a blind eye, blind less-ly towards everything, selfish-ly 

bringing countless fights home... Home couldn't deal with, I brought nothing but sadness / 

Unfortunately... Might've seemed pensive, but trust me I was clueless / 

Wasted too much time with the bullshit I was bullish, foolish / 

Aggressively shoving, forcibly loving, elbows throwing it was pointless / 

Lifeless, life loss and time loss / 

Lost trying to find way in darkness 

With no guidance, spirit lost, tipping aimlessly on edge of madness /

So now when I look back then, all I see is the dumbness / 

It's so deafening how I dealt with situations - it's speechless /

And it's clear how I encouraged so much distress 

To develop, its so fucked up just how useless 

I became, but pretended it was all bless / 

Gave a platform to the mistress 

It's disturbing how you witnessed / 

Witnessed my absentia, inertia in my actions, I was careless / 

Would care to see you less 

Yet found issues with the issues that surround us 

At the time all my focus was to fi-ness / 

Guess in a word, to define it would be heartless / 

So I'm sorry, hope those words bring some comfort, 

Hope it eases your mind, brings your heart freedom 

Breaks the shackles that dragged you down /

I'm sorry for leaving with the scent of 1 million, returning smelling like lady million, 

Guilty of having a million at home but chasing delusions and craving opinions/ 

Delusions of grandeur, to be honest I was really deluded /

Since that time I pray you have regressed / 

Backwards to old versions that were precious / 

To a time I recall you were stressless 

As much as you were selfless / 

Before I came and offered but to depress 

I now subscribe to a life that brings less stress / 

Please know I've moved to life's next phases / 

And even though you and I no longer see faces / 

And with our bodies, no longer are we reckless / 

In your mind hope you forgive me for my weakness / 

Sorry for the others I was chasing so relentless / 

For those places I had sessions /

Whilst not lying on my missus 

But was lying to my missus / 

For creating all that crisis / 

For times I was defensive yet all the time was defenceless / 

I'm sorry, for the rejects I said yes to, refused 

To say no to, agreed to be foolish and refused 

To defuse them / 

Instead I just used them / 

Playing primates in their privates / 

In the process it so obvious, I neglected 

To respect you, your respect I disrespected, disconnected and disregarded / 

Your love I should have guarded, should have sheltered, should have carried 

On my shoulders I was childish, I was selfish, I was blinded / 

Treated you like a value meal when you I should have valued 

Your love back then should have valued / 

But please know I've grown now, I'm determined / 

Like fine wine I'm refined, defined 

Full of character, so sublime, like Chianti not unbalanced 

In a cycle so destructive it was busted /  

I've moved on and I'm writing some new chapters  /

Through the grief I've suffered stages 

7 times but now I've broken all the cages / 

It's took ages / 

To redeem, gain reprieve and forgiveness 

Of my mind, of my heart, now I've found my senses / 

I acknowledge my position in this war of attrition / 

You and I... I don't miss / 

Well, maybe I'd be (somewhat) remiss 

If I didn't admit that sometimes I reminisce /  

At times I do wish / 

Mainly when I feel fiendish / 

And I know it sounds childish 

It's funny though how these things flourish / 

It's like a fetish how I relish / 

To feel you next to me, it's almost devilish / 

Back to this story, if you listen I've said sorry / 

Now allow me to build storeys for the idea in my story / 

l remind you as a Queen, never take stories / 

Don't ever settle or accept less, lest 

These Jokers convince you they are Kings /

These clowns will meddle with the crown /

No respect having jesters with little loyalty for royalty 

Courting controversy, callously without concern or commitment / 

Intent on meddling with, not mending your broken heart /

Unfortunately we couldnt last the time past / 

The present is a gift so I wish you well as we part / 

I hope on this lane you continue to dart / 

But please make sure you stay alert / 

These suckers feel no way to drain your mind is some part / 

Break your will and take you heart and mind apart / 

Like petrol in a diesel, these suckers will defile, force a stop you can't restart / 

So here's a jumpstart / 

Begin a new chapter, full of laughter / 

Blank is the canvass, your the painter / 

And although a restart / 

I can't promise that it won't hurt / 

Just remember love is war be sure you do fight. 

Kevin Mutembei 

March 2017