This is an open letter to my exes /
Hope you accept apologies given in excess /
Once prophesied Endless Love, like Luther Vandross /
It was never to much, didn't wanna stop, thought we were timeless
Like a roley... this lover coaster seemed priceless /
Dipped down too many times, climbing up was relentless /
Took too long to shine light on this process -
Took even longer to accept it was madness /
Doing same things twice and again with no progress /
Ignoring facts accepting fiction, the friction kept us moving /
Admit I felt fearless
When wading through the darkness /
But in the dark there's never more that's real than dullness /
All you feel is the mindless
Need to feed your ego so mindless-ly /
Turning a blind eye, blind less-ly towards everything, selfish-ly
bringing countless fights home... Home couldn't deal with, I brought nothing but sadness /
Unfortunately... Might've seemed pensive, but trust me I was clueless /
Wasted too much time with the bullshit I was bullish, foolish /
Aggressively shoving, forcibly loving, elbows throwing it was pointless /
Lifeless, life loss and time loss /
Lost trying to find way in darkness
With no guidance, spirit lost, tipping aimlessly on edge of madness /
So now when I look back then, all I see is the dumbness /
It's so deafening how I dealt with situations - it's speechless /
And it's clear how I encouraged so much distress
To develop, its so fucked up just how useless
I became, but pretended it was all bless /
Gave a platform to the mistress
It's disturbing how you witnessed /
Witnessed my absentia, inertia in my actions, I was careless /
Would care to see you less
Yet found issues with the issues that surround us
At the time all my focus was to fi-ness /
Guess in a word, to define it would be heartless /
So I'm sorry, hope those words bring some comfort,
Hope it eases your mind, brings your heart freedom
Breaks the shackles that dragged you down /
I'm sorry for leaving with the scent of 1 million, returning smelling like lady million,
Guilty of having a million at home but chasing delusions and craving opinions/
Delusions of grandeur, to be honest I was really deluded /
Since that time I pray you have regressed /
Backwards to old versions that were precious /
To a time I recall you were stressless
As much as you were selfless /
Before I came and offered but to depress
I now subscribe to a life that brings less stress /
Please know I've moved to life's next phases /
And even though you and I no longer see faces /
And with our bodies, no longer are we reckless /
In your mind hope you forgive me for my weakness /
Sorry for the others I was chasing so relentless /
For those places I had sessions /
Whilst not lying on my missus
But was lying to my missus /
For creating all that crisis /
For times I was defensive yet all the time was defenceless /
I'm sorry, for the rejects I said yes to, refused
To say no to, agreed to be foolish and refused
To defuse them /
Instead I just used them /
Playing primates in their privates /
In the process it so obvious, I neglected
To respect you, your respect I disrespected, disconnected and disregarded /
Your love I should have guarded, should have sheltered, should have carried
On my shoulders I was childish, I was selfish, I was blinded /
Treated you like a value meal when you I should have valued
Your love back then should have valued /
But please know I've grown now, I'm determined /
Like fine wine I'm refined, defined
Full of character, so sublime, like Chianti not unbalanced
In a cycle so destructive it was busted /
I've moved on and I'm writing some new chapters /
Through the grief I've suffered stages
7 times but now I've broken all the cages /
It's took ages /
To redeem, gain reprieve and forgiveness
Of my mind, of my heart, now I've found my senses /
I acknowledge my position in this war of attrition /
You and I... I don't miss /
Well, maybe I'd be (somewhat) remiss
If I didn't admit that sometimes I reminisce /
At times I do wish /
Mainly when I feel fiendish /
And I know it sounds childish
It's funny though how these things flourish /
It's like a fetish how I relish /
To feel you next to me, it's almost devilish /
Back to this story, if you listen I've said sorry /
Now allow me to build storeys for the idea in my story /
l remind you as a Queen, never take stories /
Don't ever settle or accept less, lest
These Jokers convince you they are Kings /
These clowns will meddle with the crown /
No respect having jesters with little loyalty for royalty
Courting controversy, callously without concern or commitment /
Intent on meddling with, not mending your broken heart /
Unfortunately we couldnt last the time past /
The present is a gift so I wish you well as we part /
I hope on this lane you continue to dart /
But please make sure you stay alert /
These suckers feel no way to drain your mind is some part /
Break your will and take you heart and mind apart /
Like petrol in a diesel, these suckers will defile, force a stop you can't restart /
So here's a jumpstart /
Begin a new chapter, full of laughter /
Blank is the canvass, your the painter /
And although a restart /
I can't promise that it won't hurt /
Just remember love is war be sure you do fight.
Kevin Mutembei
March 2017
